I look into their eyes and I feel like a failure. As a mother, a wife, a person. I can't provide for them. I can't give them the attention they need, they crave. They act out in school. Devean is angry, to the point even his teacher said something. They all deserve the best and I can't give them that. I look Joei in the eye and cry bc I know I can never be the mother she deserves. I hurt. But I keep it in bc its easier that way. I just put a smile on my face and "put in my big girl panties." I guess this is life.

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warning: pity party to follow

So...I've been on this kick lately about ppl making you their option when u make them ur priority and about how I feel basically alone here,friend wise. My husband has been great but a girl needs her friends ya know? Anyways, I've been trying to figure out how to get over this crap. All it does is make me sad and frustrated. I need to put my big girl panties on and deal with it. I'm not 18 anymore surrounded by my high school friends. I'm married with children and have priorities. Not everyone has a schedule like I do. Maybe I'm just not fun to be around, hell I don't know. I just really need to get my head straight bc its messin with me. This is the life I was given and I need to live it to the fullest, even if that includes just my little family.

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why?

Why is it people act like they are your friend when they need something or are bored and have nothing better to do but only then?

I value the friendships I have with people but I find I get hurt more often then not. Then I think about it. Maybe its me. I see on fb all these people I'm "friends" with and they are all talking about lunch dates or girls nights etc. Is it bc I'm a mom? Some of these friends are moms too. Maybe I'm just no fun. I don't know. All I know is that it hurts to read about how awesome everyone's weekend was and realize I don't ever have those stories to tell.

Damn this blog is really turning into a pitty party for Whitney huh? Well, nobody reads it anyways so it doesn't matter.

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I'm letting go

"Instead of crying, I am going to laugh. Instead of hating you, I am going to pray for you. With God's help you will come around. Until then, I will hurt no more."..

A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook this am. I have had A LOT of hate and resentment in my heart lately and this really spoke to me.

My daily bible verse today was Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

It's time I let go. Forgive and move on. It doesn't mean that I will allow these people in my life so they can hurt me and my family again, no, it means I will quit harboring hatred and resentment. The more I hold onto it the more I let you hurt me.

So at this moment I release all of it. All the hatred. I am moving on. I'm sorry you can't be a part of my family but I can't allow it. So have a nice life and I wish you all the best.

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annoyed lol...what's new huh?

Does anyone else's DH spend a little time with LO then pads them back to you? I spend all day every say AND night with this baby and while I am SO extremely blessed to have her it wld be nice to enjoy ONE uninterrupted cup of coffee ya know?
Yes I know today is your day off. I would like to think that I don't ask for much. I clean and do the laundry w/o complaining. I get the baby ready for bed and tend to her every need bc I want to, but if you offered to help I wouldn't say no.
Things were different for a long time and now I feel like the old cycle of things is coming back only now there is another kid involved.
I'm at a loss as to how to change things. Guess after this long I shouldnt expect things to change huh?
Oh well. I'm blessed with a healthy family and that's what is important.

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