In 2006, when my twins were 2 we decided we wanted to have another baby. When we found out we were prego we were so excited. We wanted our kids to be close in age. I remember going in to find out what we were having and PRAYING, Please Lord give me my girl. I'm not gonna lie, when I heard boy my heart dropped and I was disappointed. Then I decided as long as the baby was healthy that's all that mattered.
Then my husband gets transfered back to Oklahoma where I'm from and I couldn't be happier. I love my new Dr and things are going great.
I go in for an ultrasound so they can get their own measurements. They get to the heart and the nurse stops and says I'll be right back. Then the Dr comes in. I knew something was wrong. The Dr asked us if we knew about his defects. DEFECTS! What defects! No we didn't. So while I am laying down crying hysterically she is trying to show us on the monitor. My son was going to be born with multiple heart defects. So at that point we had been there for over 4hrs. They then sent me to my Dr that delivered my twins bc he is a high risk Dr. Only thing, he's two hrs away.
So we go back to my old Dr and do more ultrasounds. He wants me on weekly stress tests. Then we meet with the heart surgeon. Scariest day of my life. On a piece of paper, that I still have, he showed Jaxon's defects. Then explained the surgeries. That he wld be born bluish bc the blood wldnt flow right to his extremities. I now have 8 more weeks of worry. And to top it all of, I had placenta previa so I required a c-section.
It's now Jan 2007. I'm due in Feb. Around 4am I start with the contractions. I go to the hospital and they decide its time. I call Jeramie to arrange child care for the twins and call my mom so she can start her 4 hr drive to the hospital. I'm in the ambulance alone bc Jeramie needs to be able to drive back home. Mom and my SIS make it right before they take me back. The Dr allowed mom and Jeramie to be with me during the surgery.
So he's out. I don't hear him cry. I can't hold him bc I'm shaking so bad so I send Jeramie up with him to the NICU. MY AWESOME friend who is a photographer went with him. If it wasn't for her I wld have no pics of him before all the tubes and wires were added and for that I am forever grateful. He is born pink and perfect and beautiful.
We meet with the surgeon again and lay out the surgery. At 10 days old he will have his first open heart surgery. So the day comes. The only thing I'm afraid of is the echmo machine. Then I get the call. The surgery is over,, his heart beat on its own for 15 min but was just too weak so he is on the echmo machine.
When I go see him he is barely recognizable. They have to keep his chest open, he has 2 lrg canulas in his neck, one takes the blood out and runs it thru the machine to oxygenate it and the other puts it back. I'm horrified. This is too much for a 4lb baby! With the blood thinner in the machine its not ideal to be on it for a long period of time.
So Jaxon has good days and they try to wean him off the machine. It didn't work. So a few days later they try again but he still wasn't ready. One night his heart rate spikes, they think its his meds but then it drops really low. I get called in and we are met by the chaplain. I break down. When I get to see him I can't comprehend what I'm seeing. His head looks like one big hickey. I notice his forehead is raised and I immediately knew. He had developed a bleed in his brain but they couldn't confirm it til they could get an ultrasound. When u develop a bleed you can't be on the machine anymore. At that point I call my mom again to have her start making the trip to the hospital.
The drs were great. The surgeon came back to see what else he cld do but I knew it was time. They cornered off part of the wing so we could say our good byes. I asked the Dr to take him off life support. My whole family was there and I didn't want him to be in pain anymore.
Everyone says good bye and now Jeramie and I spend his last minutes with him. He is 20 days old at this point. We weighs about 10 lbs bc of all the fluid retention. He looks so peaceful with his eyes closed then I notice it. He has a tear in his eye. Jeramie reminded me babies don't develop tear ducts til 8-10wks and that was his way of saying good bye. I lost it. They start unhooking him from all the monitors and I watch his heart rate go down to 0. My son died in my arms. Now what?
We drive home, pack then drive 4 hrs north to the city jaxon will be laid to rest. Thankfully my amazing friends took care of everything for me. I just had to chose the date of the funeral and pick out the casket. His funeral was held at my old church. Then we had to pick out the head stone. Jaxon was originally due on Valentines Day. Instead that's the day his funeral was held. My photographer friend made a slide show of all the pics she took of him and of me prego and the background music was you're not alone tonight by Keith urban.
Jaxon brought my family back together, made me realize who my real friends and family was and changed many peoples lives. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and all the joy he brought into my life.
So that's the story of Jaxon Dryer Buckley. Born Jan22, 2007 died Feb11, 2007
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